The Perfect Gift
I've just returned from a trip home. It was partially business, partially an opportunity to see my parents. Both elements of the trip went well.
While with my parents I caught up with an old friend from my undergraduate days. Her parents live close to mine and get along quite well. It was very nice to catch up but there was a moment of awkwardness and embarrassment.
Her birthday is early in February while mine is late February. Although the parents had called the gathering a "chance to celebrate the birthdays", neither myself nor my parents brought gifts. They of course, did. I got a gift certificate from her and a book from her parents. I was of course, embarrassed that I didn't have anything for her.
The question is: should I have been?
I can send her a gift online, and may very well do so. But, I tried to think about times I've bought gifts for friends in a similar situation. I bought the gift to buy the gift, not to get one in return. For some reason, this is awkward, even though it happens all the time. It's a classic Christmas or holiday dilemma, and many people have standby gifts for this situation.
Honestly, I did think about a gift, but couldn't think of anything off hand. Does she really need a "thing"? Do any of my friends? It's obviously better to come up with something thoughtful and meaningful, rather than a book or CD, unless of course that book or CD is the meaningful thing.
Now, that isn't to say I don't think gifts should be given. Finding something perfect that someone will love and use is a wonderful thing. Getting something with sentimental value (or even practical use) can really mean a lot to me, particularly if it's a surprise.
One of my favorite gifts I've given was to a friend at a wedding. I went to Penn State: he didn't. He made fun of Penn state, particularly their football team. While in a used book store I found the sublimely titled: "I hate Penn State and here are 301 reasons you should to". I bought it and very discretely placed the book in a box for cards at the wedding. Of course he knew without a note who it was from.
I think perhaps, that is the perfect gift. A gift so personal, meaningful and funny, that you didn't need to tell them who gave it to you.
posted by Gatsby @ 4:37 PM
2 Comments:
One of the best lessons my parents ever taught me is that a gift is never to be expected. Not at Christmas. Not on your birthday. Never. Yes, we were poor and we always got gifts on Christmas and birthdays, but we were taught that gifts are an expression of love and appreciation. If you recieve a gift, you are getting that gift because someone truly cared enough about you to do that *with no expectation of anything in return*. You shouldn't give a gift because you want a gift. You should give a gift because you want to give that person something that reflects you thought of him/her.
My best friends and I exchange gifts year-round. If I see something one of them likes, I get it for him/her. They do likewise for me. It's the thought behind it. And if we're having lean years, as we often do, no one gets offended if a birthday or major holiday is skipped.
If you get or give a gift out of a sense of obligation, the gift will reflect that, I think. I've gotten so many candles (which I don't burn) and mugs (from which I don't drink) and trinket boxes (that I have no use for). I've also received coffee table books that are gathering dust on my shelf. Those mean nothing to me. If I lost them tomorrow, so what? But because a friend sent me a foam rock (aka "soft rock") from the station he works at because he knew I would find it funny, that means more to me than most other gifts I've ever received.
So, to wrap it up, no. I don't think a return gift is necessary... unless you just want to.
BTW - I'm usually pretty good at picking out presents. One buddy works out an insane amount and loves the movie "Napolean Dynamite". I found a t-shirt for him and sent it. It's a pic of Napolean's brother Kip and has the caption "I'm training to become a cagefighter". Hilarious, right? I thought it was perfect simply because this guy is about as un-Kip as you can get. Totally ironic gift.
I love buying gifts..but I hate it when I put myself on the spot where I HAVE to buy one.
I usually fret and worry over it and then end up getting nothing.
Oh well.
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