My Jewish History
My father attended an Orthodox synagogue until he was a Bar Mitzvah. He went to religious school. He attended synagogue with his grandfather as seldomly as he good. Then, when he turned 13, he ran away from synagogue life as quickly as he could.
Why? Mainly because his parents were not observant Jews. They didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. When he went with his grandfather on Yom Kippur, his grandfather would pledge more money to the synagogue then he could afford. So, without the support of his parents, and with my dad's slightly rebellious nature (not atypical at 13), he left orthodoxy saying he didn't want to set foot in a synagogue again.
My mom grew up in a Conservative synagogue. She was never Bat Mitzvah'ed (I don't believe the Conservative movement was doing that then). Judaism was definitely a part of her life as well, but much more so culturally than associated with a a synagogue.
After my parents met and married, they settled on the Reform synagogue they attend today. The rituals, observances, and service suited both of their lifestyles.
They became active members. They sent my sister and I to religious school. My father even became President. His mother and aunt were so shocked they drove an hour to see the installation.
My sister and I both attended in religious school until we were 18. Although she didn't marry a Jew, she had a Jewish wedding and is raising her child Jewish.
Why do I tell this history? Well, Reform Judaism is often criticized because of the high rate of mixed marriage and secularization. I don't know this for certain, but would imagine that intermarriage is higher among Reform Jews. As a Reform Jew, you're exposed to more of the secular world. You are more likely to socialize, eat, and yes date non-Jews. In my dad's case, however, if Reform Judaism did not exist, it's unlikely I'd have the Jewish upbringing I did have.
So it's possible, just possible, that Reform (and perhaps Conservative) can appeal to people who would otherwise be secular: Jew by definition only, with little observance or education behind them. If they sent their children to be educated and they don't practice Judaism in the home, then their children may very well end up like my father did: running away after his Bar Mitzvah Torah portion was read.
I feel honored and much richer to have had a Jewish upbringing. Being Jewish is a deep part of my past and a large part of who I am now. Ever since I left high school I've always sought out some connection to the Jewish community. The Hillels at my undergrad and grad universities, and to the two synagogues I attended in the UK were very much a part of my life. I may not know every detail of an Orthodox service, or all of the appropriate prayers to say, but I believe I have a very good understanding of the religion's history and its traditions. Of course, there is much more to learn.
I can't say how my ideas will change as I get older. I struggle everyday with who I am religiously, and what it means for me to be Jewish. I struggle with the concept of God, and tradition, particularly in times where those words carry so much public meaning and power. But by having the upbringing I did have, Judaism will always be a huge part of who I am.
posted by Gatsby @ 6:34 PM
13 Comments:
Very good post, indeed. I had a similar upbringing with my Christian family. We seldom went to church, but my family always lived their lives according to that value. I stopped going because, around here, if you're not Southern Baptist, "you'll go to Hell". I didn't know what Lent was until last year. But I knew the "important days" of Easter and Christmas and what they meant.
I was actually asked to not come back to one church because of my liberal beliefs. All it took was my saying, politely, "No, thank you" when someone passed some pro-life propaganda to me. I was never vocal about my beliefs, but they didn't care. I decided then and there I didn't want to be one of "those" Christians. And my family supported me on that.
Gats, what triggered this post? And, yes, you explained yourself clearly, just still curious what triggered it?
I suppose it isn't surprising that more traditional forms of religion breed more conservative politics. Judaism has often been the exception. It's teachings of social justice often bred more liberal voting. I believe that has changed some in this recent election, with traditional Jews joining more conservative Christians. For an exception to this rule, see my next post.
Tamara, I guess it's just something I've been thinking about, although our chat the other day probably got me thinking about it a little bit more.
That's sort of what I guessed. I had an interesting discussion with my cousin, who like me, was raised reform. We were speaking about how we were missing out on so much of what the core of Judaism is. We went to Hebrew school, but we didn't learn about the Jewish faith. We learned about Jewish history, from a historical, not a religious perspective. This is so crucial. It's like we had a watered down version of what it meant to be a Jew.
Like you, I am so glad I had a (from what I thought back then) Jewish upbringing. I always felt so Jewish; until I started meeting more conservative and then later religiously observant Jews. Now, as I grow older and search on my own, I realize that there is a HUGE piece missing.
My cousin and I were talking about how in temple we would see people bend their knees and bow during prayer, or step forward 3 times and then back; and we never understood why. We sang songs, said prayers, practiced holidays and never REALLY understood the deeper and more practical reasons. It's like nobody let us in on the secret.
All I know is I am glad my parents raised me with the core value system, and I am even more grateful that I am blessed with intelligence and curiosity to go out and explore and practice in a way which works for me. The emphasis on knowledge and questioning are two of the beautiful things I will always carry with me; and that I attribute strongly to the Jewish upbringing that brought me to where I am now.
Thanks for the post and comments, made me reflect. Sorry it was long, trust me, there was more to be written there. :)
Thanks for the comment once again.
I can see it from both sides. I don't see my Jewish education as watered down really. It's a question of priorities perhaps. I find the historical perspective fascinating and enlightening. It should be tied in , however, with observances and rituals. Understanding Jewish customs in the context of the history of where those customs came from would probably be the most complete picture of all.
Of course, going to religious school once a week isn't going to cut it.
I wouldn't necessarily say the Orthodox have the complete picture as well. When I've asked people at the Orthodox synagogue about certain traditions, I got plenty of "because God commanded it" as a response.
They may even be able to site portions of the Torah or Talmud. Neither of those "explanations" seem complete.
So, in an attempt to sum up my blather: For me to be most satisfied,I need the combination of religious observance and history to get the best picture. I could certaintly use to learn a lot more about both.
OY Gatsby--
"Because G-d commanded it" should be ENOUGH!
I mean, that's what faith is. Trust me, the struggle to understand science and faith is an uphill battle with no end. So, I believe, for me, I have to put my faith in my "faith"; otherwise I'd be lost. I can't explain evolution vs. creation. But I value what my relgion says and just trust that if "G-d commanded it, it's enough". Granted I don't follow the commandments exactly as I should; but I strive to better myself, and that's the right path for me.
:) Tam--
But Jewro? I may not feel that Reform is for me; but I can also say that Orthodoxy doesn't feel like the right match either. Hmm, now what?
So many interesting comments. I suppose "because God commanded" won't be enough for me, because I don't know/understand what God is. If I don't understand or know this, it's hard for me to have faith. That's just me though.
Jewro, not sure that Orthodoxy can be Orthodoxy and fit everyone. It's a pretty strong life commitment to be Orthodox, and requires very different life roles than the secular world (particularly for women). I think the key is to have some sort of tolerance on each end of the spectrum of belief. They might not practice Judaism as I do, but I can accept them as Jews. I realize that this idea taken to an extreme can be problematic, but it's healthier for the religion as a whole to try and learn from one another rather than battle one another.
Historically, I'm sure there were Jews on all spectrums of belief. They didn't identify as Reform or Conservative because there was no such thing.
I just personally find it hard to believe in a book that was translated by men and monarchs who had a "My way or the highway" mentality. Actually, that's not ture. "My way, or to the chopping block with you!" fits better. I just don't believe that the Bible or Torah have been submitted to us accurately.
Jewro,
I tried to make a distinction in my comments between the secular and religious world for women. I said:
"[Orthodox Judaism] requires very different life roles than the secular world (particularly for women)."
I agree the Orthodox women can have full professional lives. They have very different roles than men in the Orthodox religious community. I don't want to judge whether it's better or worse, just making the comment that it's different. This difference is not for everyone.
I agree with you that if Jews were to face some external conflict, they would pull together and many of these differences may dissolve.
You know, even though I was raised Reform. And even though I am more observant in my beliefs or maybe I should say my thoughts; one thing that still sits awkward with me personally are female rabbis. I can deal with an acoustic guitar softly strummed in shul, but a woman rabbi just doesn't work for me. I don't really know why. Perhaps there is some inherent traditionalist blood in me that just "knows" that that is not the way it should be. Or possibly it's simply because I was raised with a male rabbi, always. Either way, I know that I don't think I could ever be a member at a shul where the rabbi was a woman. which leads to another difference between orthodox and reform...membership. I can't stand the fact that if I am unable to pay 300 bucks to go to high holiday services, then I would be left out. I always find a shul that has other options than membership. Personally if a shul would not welcome me based on my financial capability, it's not a shul I'd choose to worship at either way. (whoopsie, sorry, went off topic) :)
I don't know, having not tried to join many congregations of any denomination, but I doubt payment for a high holiday service is an exclusively Reform phenomenon. I know the synagogue I grew up in would work something out with you. I'm sure they'd let students worship for free. Again, I can't speak more than that, and I gather from your comment you've had contrary experiences.
As for a woman Rabbi, I guess we'll have to disagree on that one (among our other disagreements :)).
Ahh yes, our disagreements are plentiful. But I still think you're a great guy!
The paying for high holiday ticket thing happens in Reform, Conservative, and I'm not sure about modern orthodox. I've gone to Chabad and they basically say they would like donations if one can afford it. Because the Chabad I went to is across the street from a college, they presume most students can't pay. As a matter of fact, I have a confession...I forgot to give the rabbi my donation. I think I might do that today or tomorrow. Thanks for the reminder.
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