Kindness

So dating is the big topic of today's blog. I suppose I've been in a bit of a dry spell, as they say. I broke up with a really nice girl when I went to the UK two years ago, and haven't really dated anyone seriously since then. I don't regret going to the UK, and although I didn't want it at the time, it was probably a good idea that we split up. It would have been tough having an overseas relationship, and it probably would have made my trip to the UK feel less complete, having someone that I loved back in the states.
However, the past is the past and I am now single, and back in the United States. Like many in the world of the blog, I have joined jdate, the Jewish dating service. I'm slowly doing things in town in order to meet more people, and just enjoy life.
I have not had fantastic results with jdate. I've managed to meet some really amazing people who don't live in Madison, but that of course is difficult to turn into something serious. One never knows of course.
That brings me to my main point. It's interesting looking over the jdate profiles, in the "ideal match" column. People look for sense of humor, someone who is easy going, likes to have fun, independent, active, intelligent. Mostly, the typical mix of stuff. Some people mention appearance of course, which is fine.
For me, it's of course a mix of those things. I couldn't imagine being with someone who couldn't laugh, both at herself and at the world around her. More importantly, I'd need someone who could make me laugh as well. Intelligence is good. Someone who reads and is driven by intellectual pursuits is definitely important, and it helps to relate to my more geeky side. Physical appearance has some place as well. You want to be able to look at someone and just kinda melt into them. To be honest though, the more you get to know someone and like them, the prettier and sexier they become. Those little quirks and expressions that only they have become really endearing.
I think one of things that's missing from most profiles was kindness. It is one of the most overlooked virtues of all. Without it, wit becomes bitter sarcasm. Intelligence becomes academic. Physical attraction is merely skin deep. If you're not with someone that cares deeply for you, and indeed for other people, why stay with them? If theyre I'm not just talking about being "nice". Being likeable, or friendly are good qualities, but deep compassion, and caring go well beyond those things. If it's something more of us sought out, perhaps it would be easier to find.